


When the World Burns Apart

by TheEmcee



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Angst, Complete, Depression, M/M, One Shot, Psychological Drama, Sad, Song Lyrics, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-28 20:22:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2745743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEmcee/pseuds/TheEmcee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every day Hiro visits Tadashi’s grave. Every day he watches the tests that Baymax showed him what seemed like ages ago. What else could he do? He missed Tadashi so much…</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the World Burns Apart

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters, the fandom, or the song lyrics
> 
> A/N: I just feel like making someone cry. The truth is, Christmas has never been a happy time for me and my family, so writing depressing stuff helps me get through it, so I hope none of you hate me for writing this. Also, I’m a huge Coheed and Cambria fan and ‘Pearl of the Stars’ is one of my favorite songs by them. Feel free to leave a comment in the towel section. R&R. Enjoy!

~…~  
When the World Burns Apart  
~…~

‘Each night I wish to God

He’d let her rest

This hurts me more

Than any man could bear

She’s my angel 

From the west

There will never be a one

To take her place’

~…~

 

The path to Tadashi’s grave was a familiar one. Hiro knew it better than the back of his hand; hell, he knew it better than he knew himself most days. Weeks had passed since his brother’s death, and then those weeks turned into months and although things weren’t as they had been at first, Hiro could still feel that large, gaping hole in his chest where his heart used to beat steadily. Not anymore, though. All that was left there was a hole, a cold and empty hole full of darkness and despair. One could practically see right through it to the daylight on the other side. It was obvious, how could it not be? He missed Tadashi every single second of every single day.

Fourteen years. Hiro had spent fourteen years with the only person who ever knew him, with the only person he had ever truly loved and cared about. Fourteen years seemed like so long just a few months ago, yet now, it didn’t seem long enough. What was fourteen years compared to a lifetime? It wasn’t even a blink of an eye in the overall history of the planet, and Hiro knew that even though he had his memories, pictures, videos, and everything else that Tadashi had left behind, it wouldn’t be enough.

Memories and pictures couldn’t make up for a lifetime of missing someone you loved so very much and think about every single day. For as long as he could remember, even before that, Hiro had spent every day with Tadashi. He may not have spent every waking moment with him, but there wasn’t a day that went by that he wasn’t able to see his brother, the person he held most dear, that he loved so much that it was practically sinful, dirty, wrong. 

And now…

He hadn’t seen Tadashi for months. He hadn’t been able to say hi, to ask him how he was, to tell him that he loved, to hug him, to smell him, to feel how solid and warm and alive he was in his arms. All that was left of Tadashi was a burnt corpse resting in a coffin buried six feet in the cold, hard ground. He wasn’t there anymore; he would never be there anymore no matter who told Hiro what. 

They were all supportive, his friends and his aunt, but they didn’t understand, they didn’t know. While they may have loved Tadashi, no one loved him like Hiro did. No one knew him so well, so thoroughly, and no one felt his absence as much as Hiro. Regardless of what they said, they would never know the kind of pain and loss Hiro had to live through every single day. It was a throbbing ache that threatened to destroy him from the inside out, to tear away at him until nothing was left but a heap of mangled flesh and hair, to burn him with a cruelty and harshness that even Hell lacked. 

There won’t be another, not for Hiro. Tadashi was it; he was everything, he was the only thing that really gave Hiro’s life any purpose, any true meaning. And just like that, in the blink of an eye, he was gone and there was nothing. Nothing and no one could replace Tadashi. Hiro wouldn’t even try to find another. Whatever would remain of this thing he called his life would be full of emptiness and loneliness because Tadashi would not be there like he was meant to be. 

 

~…~

‘The pill she takes

The pain with which she drowns

Our baby sleeps next door

She’s new in town

I’ll tell her 

How wonderful you were

I’ll remember

Everything you were to me’

~…~

They all thought that he was doing better, that he was getting better, that he was getting through this. He wasn’t. Hiro was better at acting, at manipulating, than anyone ever really gave him credit for, except, of course, Tadashi. Tadashi knew him better than anybody else ever did and ever would; he knew Hiro better than Hiro even knew himself. Now that he was gone, who was Hiro? He didn’t even know anymore, and it should have been frightening that he didn’t even know himself, yet he felt no fear. As a matter of fact, he didn’t feel much of anything anymore. 

Yes, he had made a promise to help the people of San Fransokyo in honor of Tadashi, but that didn’t mean that he would be back to his normal self. Hiro doubted that that was ever going to happen. Whoever he had been before Tadashi had died was gone now and there was no going back. What was that old saying? ‘You have to die in one life before you can enter another’? Well, Hiro had died alright, but he wasn’t entering another life. And if he was, then the person, or thing, he had become was more robotic than the robots he had created. 

Was he even a person anymore? Was he even human?

There were times when Hiro would break, would crumble, would fall apart, and in those times, he would be frightened by the thing he had become, not quite human yet not quite a monster but something disgusting and hideous crossbred of the two, much a robot with a soul or a human who had none. If anyone could read his mind, they would be appalled by what they found there.

The college genius who had created so many inventions already, who had won so many grants that it was surreal, who had bumped up the prestige of SFIT was nothing but a shell of a human being,. Nothing made him happy and nothing made him angry; he was just...there. Unlike Tadashi, who would never be anywhere ever again.

Sometimes, Hiro thought about what Tadashi would do or say if he was still alive. He would probably scold Hiro for worrying everyone and then tell him that what he was feeling was okay and that there was nothing wrong with him, all the while holding Hiro in his arms and rocking him back and forth as though he was a baby or some fragile doll that might break. And then he would tell Hiro that he would never, ever give up on him and that they would get through this together, just like they always did.

But Tadashi was dead and there would be no one there to hold him, to scold him, to practically read his mind without probing him with a million questions that he would never answer anyway, to just look at him once and know that Hiro was not in any sense of the word okay.

All that was left of Tadashi Hamada was a burnt and decaying corpse in the ground, the possessions he left behind, and Baymax.

~…~

‘When you go, I will know

Follow you to the stars

And when the world burns apart

There will be a place for your car

I’d give you everything

If only I’d have known you’d take it

But you don’t ‘cause you’re you

It’s why I’ll always love you’

~…~

Hiro watched those test videos that had been recorded on Baymax’s health care chip every single day. He never went a day without watching them. It was the only way he could see his brother again and hear his voice as plain as day. The only thing wrong with them was that Hiro couldn’t reach out and touch Tadashi, feel his skin, his warmth, and know without the shadow of a doubt that he was okay, that he was going to be fine. 

There were times when it was hard living as a ghost of your former self while watching a ghost.

Baymax had tried numerous times to help Hiro, but nothing worked. Nothing would ever work, not unless someone invented a way to bring back the dead. Even then, would Hiro actually follow through with it, with reviving a dead Tadashi? Before his brother had died, Hiro would have said no, absolutely not, but now… He can’t say that he wouldn’t give it some thought because he knows for a fact that he would. 

Hiro didn’t know what was more frightening: the fact that he was actually considering inventing a way to raise the dead or the fact that he was probably and legitimately insane. 

But just what could Hiro do? He missed Tadashi so much! He knew that he would always miss him and that he would always have his pictures and videos, but what if his memories began to fade sooner rather than later? What if he forgot the small things, like the way Tadashi smelled, the sound of his voice, the feel of his lips against Hiro’s own? Or how Tadashi always worried so obsessively over him or the way he would snore ever so slightly when he was really tired or how he always wore a baseball cap? 

Sometimes, Hiro felt like he was breaking all over again and then he would laugh. He would laugh because he was already broken and you can’t break something that’s already broken, can you? It was hard to break something that was already broken into a thousand miniscule pieces already, wasn’t it? And there was no going back from this, there was no bouncing back, no recovery, there was no cure for what ailed him. There were no good days and bad days; there were just days. 

Life went on. The sun rose and set every day. Birds sang, bees buzzed, the clouds rolled by, the wind blew, the rain fell, the babies cried, the pulse beat, the grass grew, the flowers bloomed, the Earth turned, the sun burned, and the days kept rolling on by. But without Tadashi, with the only person Hiro has ever loved and care for gone, there was nothing anymore. Nothing but days gone by and a large, gaping hole in his chest that would never close, that would never heal.

This is what his existence was now, because Hiro couldn’t call it life because his life had ended when Tadashi’s had ended. He missed Tadashi so much…so very much…

Every day, Hiro visited Tadashi’s grave and every day he watched the saved test videos, but it would never be enough. But what else could he do? 

Without a single word, Hiro sat down on the cold, hard ground before Tadashi’s grave and stared unblinkingly at his tombstone.

~…~

‘When you go, I will know

Follow you to the stars

And when the world burns apart

There will be a place for your car

I’d give you everything

If only I’d have known you’d take it

But you don’t ‘cause you’re you

It’s why I’ll always love you

My pearl of the stars’

~…~


End file.
